Process: Lee MH (5.2 / 5)

(1)   Topic : Argumentative essay : Is marriage necessary?

(2)   The goal of the writing: To defend myself still single and persuade my parents and others who persist in marriage

(3)   The audience/reader of the writing: People including my parents who have pushed me to get married

(4)   The main ideas of the writing: Marriage is not necessary because of the social change to accept being single as normal, negative consequences of marriage, and more constructive alternatives to offset the disadvantages of being single.

(5)   The Organization of main ideas

Part of the essay	Content
Introduction	n  Anecdote: The most frequent asked question in my life was whether I am going to be married or why I do not get married. n  Purpose of the writing : It is high time that I answer the questions and comfort my parents. n  Thesis Statement: Negative answers to the proposition that people should be married
Body 1	n  Topic Sentence: Marriage should fall on individual choice because it affects people in every aspect and it entails high risk factors leading to negative consequences.  n  The problem lies in the fact that the consequences are not always beneficial for their happiness ranging from legal obligation to psychological consequence for the rest of life. n  What is worse, the consequence of the failure of marriage life costs a lot in Korea. n  Conclusion: Social norm or brainwashed ideology should not drive people to unwanted or unprepared marriage.
Body 2	n  Topic sentence: Social system has changed to accept singles as active and desirable group for society. n  Anecdote: There is a comforting example in my school: 27 out of 54 female teachers in my school are single, and only three are married out of 11 female English teachers. n  Singles contribute to societal development and industrial development as the main subject of consumption and the economically active population.
Body 3	Concession – Refutation n  Suggesting an idea which is against my idea: People argue that marriage is necessary in case of the lonely and impoverished old days. n  Refutation: However, there are much surer and more constructive alternatives – insurance and making more friends and share good intention with neighbors, when young. n  Conclusion: Marriage should not be considered as investment in case of your lonely and poor old life.
Conclu -sion	n  Summary: Marriage should not be forced to implement like moral actions because being single is not unusual anymore and there are many risks that people take in marriage in Korea. n  Suggestion: As social norms have changed to respect individuality and diversity in society, a new perspective to marriage needs to be established. Though we have to be open-minded to marriage, political and financial inducements are needed to encourage marriage as a pro-choice. n  Final Comment: Social fussiness for marriage is the demand for conformity. Though they know the negative consequences of marriage, their persistent request for marriage can be interpreted as their ‘all in misery’ intention.

 

<First Draft of Argumentative Essay>

 

The Necessity of Marriage

 

When are you going to be married? Why aren’t you get married? They are the most frequently asked questions that I have ever heard in Korea. The questions have got on my nerves for the last 20 years, but I have never responded properly to the overwhelming concern or interest in my private matter. This writing project allowed me an opportunity to dwell on marriage which I have put aside in my life. Now I felt necessary to satisfy everyone’s curiosity about me and to comfort my parents who never give up ‘making’ me marry. My answer to the question whether people should get married is negative because marriage involves negative consequences, the society has changed to accept singles and there are more constructive alternatives to offset the disadvantages of being single.

First reason that I believe that marriage is not necessary is that marriage should fall on individual choice because it affects people in every aspect, ranging from legal obligation to psychological consequence for the rest of life. Marriage is one of the choices that people can make in their life because it involves lots of consequences. Especially, in Korean society, marriage of a woman involves a big burden of responsibility as a wife, mother, and a daughter-in-law, in addition to the roles they used to play before their marriage. A big burden of expectation and responsibility, in contrast to the relatively small support from the government, and ill-equipped supporting systems, suffocates married ones, which makes them burn-out and fall into a victim of failure of their marriage life. Also, the consequence of divorce costs a lot in Korea. Divorced couples suffer psychological and financial instability, and their children exhibit devastating delinquent behaviors, because the prejudice toward them worsens the situation. Considering the consequences of hurried and ill-prepared marriage, marriage is not compared to picking clothes or furniture. It is not such a mandatory work as a military duty that people should get done anyway by the due date. Therefore, social norms or brainwashed ideology for pro-marriage should not drive people to unwanted or unprepared marriage.

Next, marriage should not be a mandatory practice or social obligation anymore because society has changed. Marriage was considered a mandatory process to form a legal unit of family in which next generation is raised and tax is imposed that the government runs on. This concept formed a stereotyped thinking about the necessity of marriage and negative outlook on singles who stay unmarried until they reach a certain age when people think ‘late’ for child-production. However, there is a new trend that individual comprises an independent family unit. A closer look at my workplace reveals that 27 out of 54 female teachers in my school are single, and specifically only three are married out of 11 female English teachers. Singles are normally free from money-related corruptive behaviors because they are relieved of the pressure to support family. Also, they are dedicated to their work and open-minded to initiate an innovative project in workplace. Therefore, singles contributes to the development of domestic industry because they have surfaced as influential workforce, major consumers and tax payers. They will lead a new culture and spur the domestic economy and industry as a major driving force.

Lastly, many people argue that people should get married for the sake of happier and richer old days. They believe that the husband and children would be only people I would rely on when I am collapsed over illness. They persuade me that I would be granted with peaceful old days at the cost of my youth wrecked from responsibility and hardship. However, their logic does not make sense, because there are more convenient and surer ways to ensure my happier old life. If I should worry about impoverishment in my old day, I would rather drop by an insurance company instead. Marriage does not insure richer old days. We could see many worse examples of relying on husband and children. The children or husband might take away your life-long earned money from you and makes you bankrupt. About the concern about psychological loneliness, it might be better that I put more efforts to make friends or share your sympathy with neighbors, instead. Therefore, marriage should not be considered as investment in case of your lonely and poor old life.

In conclusion, the proposition that people should get married is not agreed because social change allowed people to choose their marital status and ‘being single’ is not considered ‘abnormal’ or ‘unusual’ any more. Also, people should be careful in deciding the marriage because it has a great impact on people’s life, and the failure of their marriage life costs people negative consequences in child-rearing and psychological problem. To encourage marriage, the government needs to establish more establishing supporting systems for married couple and especially political policies and social forces to support women in work. Marriage is a personal choice not a socially imposed convention. One of social fussiness for marriage is the demand for conformity. Though they know the negative consequences of marriage, their persistent request for the conformity to the old convention, can be interpreted as ‘all in misery’ intention. In the trendy stream of staying single, open-mindedness and proactive attitude toward the singles are needed to make this society healthier in that it accepts more diverse culture and respects individual right to pursue happiness.

 

 

Self- Comments        The topic is interesting and relevant to the writer’s interest. The subject and purpose are clear and to the point, that is, the writer persuades people around her not to push her to marriage. The essay is a good example of five paragraph of argumentative essay – introduction, three body paragraphs including one refutation paragraph, and a conclusion. However, the main ideas of paragraphs do not state why people should not get married, as the thesis statement mentioned, but argue why marriage should not be imposed on individual or it is not necessary, which seems to be a gap between the thesis statement in the introduction and the content in the body. The writer needs to take a firm stand and matches the subject and the supporting paragraphs. In addition, considering the flow of the writing, the order of the paragraphs needs to consider. It’s much better to place the second paragraph first, considering sequence of importance. As the refutation, which is the most important part, is placed last, the least important part mentioning the social change should be placed in the place of the first body paragraph. Also, the redundancy of the topic sentence is observed in the first paragraph. The repetition of words and some word choice need to be revised for more sophisticated writing In the second paragraph, more general statistic supporting details would provide reliable evidence. In terms of unity, in the conclusion, the writer suggests the ways to encourage marriage, which is not relevant to the stream of the writing stating why it is not necessary. The writer needs to omit this irrelevant part. In terms of coherence, the writer needs to take a closer look at conjunctions or connectors. As the sentence is quite long, the writer needs to check the grammatical correctness.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

<Final Draft of Argumentative Essay>

 

The Necessity of Marriage

 

“When are you going to be married?” “Why aren’t you get married?” They are the most frequently asked questions that I have ever heard in Korea. The questions have got on my nerves for the last 20 years, but I have never responded properly to the overwhelming concern or interest in my private matter. This writing project allowed me an opportunity to dwell on marriage which I have put aside in my life. Now I felt necessary to arrange my perspective to marriage and to comfort my parents who never give up ‘making’ me to be married. My answer to the question whether people should get married is not that people should not be married, but that it is not necessary to get married because the society has changed, marriage involves negative consequences, and there are more constructive alternatives to offset the disadvantages of being single.

Marriage is not a mandatory practice or social obligation anymore because society has changed. Marriage was considered a natural developmental process to form a legal unit of family which next generation is raised in and tax is imposed on that the government runs by. This concept formed a stereotyped thinking about the necessity of marriage and negative outlook on singles who stay unmarried until they reach a certain age when people think ‘late’ for child-production. However, there is a new trend that individual comprises an independent family unit. The Korea national statistic office (2008) revealed the number of singles accounts for over three million, and the number of families comprising one person aging from 20’s to 30’s is 37 percent. The current research predicts that the number of single-comprising family will reach 24 % (2.7 million households) out of the total numbers of family units in 2033. A closer look at my workplace reveals that 27 out of 54 female teachers in my school are single, and specifically only three are married out of 11 female English teachers. Singles are normally free from money-related corruptive behaviors because they are relieved of the pressure to support family. Also, they are dedicated to their work and open-minded to initiate an innovative project in workplace. Therefore, singles contribute to the development of domestic industry because they have emerged as an influential group of consumers and tax payers. They will lead a new culture and spur the domestic economy and industry as a major driving force.

     Another reason that I believe that marriage is not necessary is that marriage entails high possibility of negative consequences. Marriage should fall on individual choice because it affects people in every aspect, ranging from legal obligation to psychological consequence for the rest of life. Specifically, in Korean society, marriage of a woman adds a big burden of responsibility as a wife, mother, and a daughter-in-law, to the roles they used to play before their marriage. Great social expectation and responsibility they are supposed to take after marriage, in contrast to the relatively little social support and ill-equipped supporting systems, suppress married ones, which might lead to their psychological burn-out and failure of their marriage life consequently. According to the statistics in 2009, almost one fourth of married couple ends up a divorce in Korea. What is worse, the consequence of divorce costs a lot in Korea. Divorced couples suffer psychological and financial instability, their children exhibit delinquent behaviors, and social prejudice toward them worsens the situation. Considering the consequences of hurried and ill-prepared marriage, marriage is not compared to picking clothes or furniture. It should not be a mandatory work that people should get done anyway by the due date. Therefore, social norms or brainwashed ideology for marriage should not drive people to marriage.

 Lastly, many people argue that people need to invest their youth into marriage for their less lonely and richer old life. I understand what they are concerned about when they urges immediate marriage as insurance in case of my lonely later life. They believe that the husband and children would be only people I would rely on when I am collapsed over illness and age. They persuade me that I would be granted with peaceful old days at the cost of my youth wrecked from responsibility and hardship while marriage. However, their logic does not make sense, because there are more convenient and surer ways to ensure my happier old life. If I should worry about impoverishment in my old day, I would rather drop by an insurance company instead. Marriage does not insure richer old days. I have witnessed many worse scenarios of relying on husband and children and falling into bankruptcy. In regard to psychological loneliness, it might be better that I put more efforts to make friends or share my mercy and affection with neighbors, instead. Therefore, marriage is not a proper investment, in case of lonely and poor old life.

In conclusion, the proposition that people should get married is not agreed because social change allowed people to choose their marital status and ‘being single’ is not considered ‘abnormal’ or ‘unusual’ any more. Also, the careful marriage cannot be overemphasized, because it has a great impact on people’s life, and the failure of their marriage life costs people negative consequences in child-rearing and psychological problems. Marriage is a personal choice not a socially imposed convention. Social fussiness for marriage is the demand for conformity. Though they know the negative consequences of marriage, their persistent persuasion into the old convention, can be interpreted as ‘all in misery’ intention. Open-mindedness toward the singles are needed to make this society healthier in that it accepts more diverse culture and respects individual right to pursue happiness.

Process : Kim HS (5 / 5)

Advertising Mugunghwa

 

 

1.      Please state the goal of your essay

To correct the wrong thoughts on Mugunghwa and inspire the Mugunghwa-cherishing mind

 

2.      Tell me who the ‘reader/audience’ of your essay is/are.

Foreigners and Korean youngsters who are not familiar with Mugunghwa.

 

3.      State the main ideas

Let's cherish Mugunghwa, the Korean national flower, and grow it beautifully.

 

4.      Organize the main ideas (list in order)

-          Let's love Mugunghwa having been loved even during the Japanese invasion over Korea.

-          Some criticism on Mugunghwa as a national flower.

-          The feature and beauty of Mugunghwa.

-          A familiar and substantial flower tree, Mugunghwa.

-          The significance of mind cherishing and loving Mugunghwa.

 

5.      Write the first draft of a five-paragraph-essay

Every country has its own national flower. It is said that each state has his flower. Our country has never decided Mugunghwa, a rose of Sharon, as a national by law, but it has been a national flower naturally and the people have liked this flower. During the Japanese invasion over Korea, Japanese did not allow planting the flower in the yard, and the love for Mugunghwa grew in Koreans' hearts during the period we were treated like slaves. If we perish our history, we could love Mugunghwa more and continuously.

Once some people address raised Mugunghwa is not suitable for the national flower—it is difficult to raise it throughout Korea, the flower is not good-looking, the figure of the tree is not good, and the flower blooms too late in spring.

However, more than 80 kinds of various Mugunghwa are growing. I think the white one is representing the beauty of Korea best because the Korean people have been called the white-robed people from the old times. Mugunghwa is a single-petaled flower and it blooms and fades in a day, so all the flowers we see in the morning are new flowers bloomed at dawn.

Mugunghwa is easily bred by seeds, cutting and picking the branch on the ground and planting, and it is proper size for the garden tree and it grows well almost everywhere except some parts of Korea. So it is the familiar flower to people.

Maybe, all Koreans have played hide and seek leaning against and around the electric-light pole. The seeker said " Mugunghwa flowers bloomed" and waited for hiding. We sang "Mugunghwa, Mugunghwa, it is the flower of our country."  I have never seen the flower here living America for a while. Roses, the flower of U.K., are familiar to us because they are easily seen around. Roses play an important role not only as the images on the plates but also as a love messenger quite a lot. If we plant it around us, our country would be beautiful. I hope the movement to love and plant Mugunghwa would be the starting point of "Love Korea."

 

6.      Review it and make a comment on it (self-check)

Whenever I write an essay, I always feel abashed.  Writing this journal, I thought about our country.  There is no other flowers representing Korea properly, so on every Arbor Day, April 5, there is a festival giving Mugunghwa away and advertising it. It is 65th anniversary of Korean Independence over Japan this year and Japan invaded our country a century ago.  Mugunghwa is the flower having the spirit of Korean people who have risen again and again like a tumbler.  Thinking about planting a plant of Mugunghwa in the garden of all Korean minds and transferring to the real garden or a pot, I could think the value of Mugunghwa again through this assignment.

 

7.      Write the final draft of the essay.

Every country has its own national flower.  Each state in America has its state flower.  Our country have never decided Mugunghwa, a rose of Sharon, as a national flower by law, but it has been the national flower naturally and the people have liked this flower.  During the Japanese invasion over Korea, Japanese did not allow planting the flower in the yard, and the love for Mugunghwa grew in Koreans' hearts during the period we were treated like slaves.  If we cherish our history, we could love Mugunghwa more and continuously.

Once some people raised that Mugunghwa is not suitable for the national flower—it is difficult to raise it throughout Korea especially in northern part because of coldness, the flower is not good-looking, the figure of the tree is not good, the flower blooms too late in spring, there are too many bugs on the tree, and it is the only one-day flower.  They made complaints and said to decide a new flower as a national flower.

     However, more than 80 kinds of various Mugunghwa are growing in Korea.  I think the white one among them is representing the beauty of Korea best because the Korean people have been called the white-robed people from the old times.  Mugunghwa is a single-petaled flower and it blooms and fades in a day, so all the flowers we see in the morning are new flowers bloomed at dawn.  It blooms at dawn and fade down in the evening from the early summer to fall without ceasing.  It is a really everlasting flower like the meaning of the name in Korean.

Mugunghwa is easily bred by seeds, cutting and picking the branch on the ground and planting, and it is a proper size for a garden tree and it grows well almost everywhere except the northern part of Korea.  So it is the familiar flower to people.  Flowers, seeds, barks and roots are used for precious medicine, leaves and flowers for tea, and barks for paper. It is really useful to various ways.

I bet all Koreans have played hide and seek leaning against and around the electric-light pole.  The seeker said "Mugunghwa flowers bloomed" and waited for hiding.  We sang "Mugunghwa, Mugunghwa, it is the flower of our country" in elementary schools.  I have never seen the flower here living America for a while.  Roses, the flower of U.K., are familiar to us because they are easily seen around.  Roses play an important role not only as the images on the plates but also as a love messenger quite a lot.  If we plant them around us, our country would be beautiful.  I hope the movement to love and plant Mugunghwa would be the starting point of "Love Korea."

Process: Kang MC (5 / 5)

 

Parts of the writing process	State
Form	Narrative
Goals of the writing	There are many students who don’t know their own goals; such as they don’t know what they like the most or when they are happy. Just they live by daily lives by studying without any goals. I feel sorry for them. So I want them to realize the reality and to have their own goals at least.
The audience/reader of the writing	5th or 6th grade students or premature elementary school students
The main ideas of the writing	Everybody has to establish its own goal and just do it. -March off the map-
Organizing ideas	Introduction- Introduction to one book about Han Bee-ya. Body     - Study hard.     - Experience as much as possible     - Read many books. Conclusion – Emphasize of how important to find and keep the goal is.

 

<First draft>

Establish your goal and just do it.

-March off the map-

 

 One of the national celebrities, Han bee-ya, is well known as a woman explorer as well as the World vision manager. One of her essays, “March off the map” introduces one doctor working for the poor, even if his talent or skill is so great. She asked him, “ Why did you choose this one, rather you could make a lot of money and live comfortably.” He said, “ This make myself excited and happy. Besides to work here is worth, I guess.” At this moment, are you happy with your life? Here in Korea, many students just study without any reasons or any goals like robots. As a teacher, I feel sorry for them. So I’m going to give some strategies about how you can establish your goals and do it.

First, once you’re students, you should study hard. You need not to follow the instruction, but to play a leading role in studying. For example, when you are given to one project, think why you should do this first and then how you can collect some data or information. Whenever you have some problems with this, you go and ask some teachers, parents or some other helping people. They always welcome you.

Second, I want you to experience as much as possible. Just because you’re young, you think you have limitation. But look at other side. There are many needed people around us; nursing home, orphanage, etc. Even at school those who are younger than you need somebody’s help such as solving out the math question or cleaning the classroom and so forth. Or you could visit your parents’ workplaces to watch how hard they are doing.

Third, comparing to middle school students or high school students, you have more free time. Thus I want you to read as many books as possible. In this area, there are 3 local libraries and my school has one too. When I was young, at that time to buy the books was expensive and to borrow them was not common. But the society has changed and it’s easy to rent them. There are many benefits to read, but I want to mention it. You could meet different people through the books and this will make you grow internally.

In conclusion, there are many wandering people, just because they don’t have any goals for their lives. Time flies so quickly, I hope you will not regret what you will have done or give up your lives. These 3 strategies will help you establish your goals and do it. But this is one more thing to keep that in your mind: Whatever you do, be a main agent.

 

<Comment>

As assignment, I wrote about essay, “Establish Your Goal and Just Do It” for elementary school students. As Professor Lee suggested, I wrote a five-paragraph-essay based on my planning. While I was doing, I did check the sequence of the theme, spelling, etc. After doing this, I actually asked one of my friends to read it and give me some feedback. When she read this, she got the gist of my essay. However she found some mistakes, like spelling, punctuation, and the natural meaning into English. I felt ashamed at first, later I realized how important this type of work is in order to improve my writing in English. First of all, English is not my mother tongue, that’s why I need to edit continuously.

 

<Second draft>

Establish your goal and just do it.

-March off the map-

 

 One of our national celebrities, Han Bee-ya, is well known as a woman explorer, as well as the World Vision manager. One of her essays, “March Off The Map” introduces one doctor working for the poor. Even though his talent or skill is great, she asked him, “Why did you choose this type of work when you could make a lot of money and live comfortably.” He said, “This type of work makes me excited and happy. Besides to work here is worth, I guess.” Here in Korea, many students just study without any reasons or any goals, like robots. At this moment, are you happy with your life? I’m going to give some strategies about how you can establish your goals and do it.

First, once you’re students, you should study hard. You need not to follow the instruction, but to play a leading role in studying. For example, when you are given a project, think why you should do this first and then how you can collect some data or information. Whenever you have some problems with this, you can go and ask some teachers, parents or other helping people. They will always welcome you.

Second, I want you to experience as much as possible. Just because you’re young, you think you have limitations. However, you can look at your situation in a different way. There are many needy people around us in nursing homes, orphanages, etc. Even at school those who are younger than you need somebody’s help such as solving a math question or cleaning a classroom. Also you could visit your parents’ workplaces to watch how hard they are working.

Third, compared to middle school students or high school students, you have more free time. Thus, I want you to read as many books as possible. In this area, there are three local libraries and my school has one too. When I was young, at that time to buy books was expensive and to borrow them was not common. Society has changed and it’s easy to rent books. There are many benefits in reading. One benefit is that you could discover different characters through books and this will make you grow internally.

In conclusion, there are many unfocused people, just because they don’t have any goals for their lives. Time flies so quickly, I hope you will not waste your lives. These three strategies will help you establish your goals and do it. One more thing to keep in your mind: whatever you do, be a main agent.

 

Process: Hong EY (5.2 / 5)

In brief, you are expected to write a five-paragraph-essay on a topic that you chose. You should show me seven parts of the process of your writing.

 

[Brainstorming]

Home /Family life	University /Education	The Environment	Society /Community	Lifestyle	Other
l Marriage l Children l Traditions l Adoption l Teenagers pregnancy l Divorce l Nuclear family l Obesity l Planning for children's future l Suicide due to financial problems l Dual income	l Rank l Major l Drinking culture l An excess educational desire of parents l Studying abroad l A bride for educators l Homeschooling l Distance learning	l Air pollution l Global warming l Greenhouse effect l Natural disasters l Recycling l Allocation of natural resource l Food chain - Domino effect l Nature	l Discrimination l Humor l Universal health care l Distrust l Globalization l Nuclear l Generation l Nuclear l Generation Gap l Longer lifespan l Regional relation l Gap between the rich and the poor	l Trend l Recreation facilities l early adapter l Medical insurances l Respect culture l Fashion l Health l Culture - entertainment	l  Human cloning l  Euthanasia l  Death penalty l  Dodge one's military service l  Abortion l  Adultery of legalization l  Well-being

 

Home/Family life University/Education The Environment Society/Community Lifestyle Other	⇒	Children Teaching method Nature Longer lifespan Culture - entertainment Well-being	⇒ ⇒ ⇒	Educational system Increasing lifespan Culture + entertainment	⇒	The Necessity of Creating Cultural Space - Theme park (Fun) - Edutainment space
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1.      Please state the goal of your essay

The goal of my essay is to let general people and the people working at Korean government know how important it is to have our own culture and cultural space and persuade them to try considering of creating a cultural space as a national enterprise. I always want to be a theme park creator although I am pursuing a different profession, but I still have a dream of becoming a profession in Entertainment in the future.

2.      Tell me who the ‘reader/audience’ of your essay is/are.

General people and people working at government related to a policy planning committee.

3.      State the main ideas

It is time to formulate and carry out innovative national cultural policies for Korea.

4.      Organize the main ideas (list in order)

ü  The strongest weapon for every country in the future = “Culture”

ü  21^st century is the era of competing culture – the importance of culture.

ü  Innovative national cultural policies for Korea needed

n  Systematize cultural archetypes

n  Construct cultural spaces like a theme park

n  Create performances.

ü  Korean government concentrate its efforts on reinforcement including systematize cultural archetypes, build cultural spaces, and create performances based on Korean cultural heritage.

 

5.      Write the first draft of a five-paragraph-essay

Introduction

[Attention getter] What will be the strongest weapon for every country in the future? The answer is “Culture”. [Background knowledge] 21^st century is the era of competing culture. More and more the importance of culture rises. At this point of time, to survive in this competition with the other countries, and to keep up with time, deep down, specific plans enhancing for Korea are demanded. “The best things about Korea can also be the best things for the world.” [Thesis statement] It is time to formulate and carry out innovative national cultural policies for Korea; 1) systematize cultural archetypes, 2) construct cultural spaces like a theme park, and 3) create performances.

Body 1

[Topic Sentence 1] Systematizing cultural archetypes is not only the most underlying but also the most significant task. [Supporting Sentence 1] Systematizing cultural archetypes would contribute to set up our identities. + [Detail-SS1] // [Supporting Sentence 2] We will have unique characteristics to compete and survive in globalized modern society. + [Detail-SS2] // [Supporting Sentence 3] The result of this task can be immense cultural property as communication resources. + [Detail-SS3] // [Concluding Sentence 1] Systematizing cultural archetypes is not only a way to strengthen our national power but practical use is also important like a theme park.

Body 2

[Topic Sentence 2] Creating cultural spaces can contribute to improve the quality of the nation’ lives. [Supporting Sentence 1] People can enjoy their spare time. + [Detail-SS1] // [Supporting Sentence 2] Cultural spaces can be used as educational facilities. + [Detail-SS2] // [Supporting Sentence 3] We can use it as tourism resources. + [Detail-SS3] // [Concluding Sentence 2] The cultural places will offer better condition of recreation to foreigners as well as the nation.

Body 3

[Topic Sentence 3] Product performances can take several advantages in diverse directions. [Supporting Sentence 1] It makes people enjoy their free time and improve their lives. + [Detail-SS1] // [Supporting Sentence 2] The actors/actresses performing can be useful cultural mission. + [Detail-SS2] // [Supporting Sentence 3] Creating performances can make economic value. + [Detail-SS3] // [Concluding Sentence 3] Performances would chiefly help make inducement of tourists and could affect economic growth.

Conclusion

Korean government concentrate its efforts on reinforcement including three parts: systematize cultural archetypes, build cultural spaces, and create performances based on Korean cultural heritage.

 

6.      Review it and make a comment on it (self-check)

All the supporting sentences need supporting details because the strong arguments must be based on the reasonable facts. Some statistic results which can support my thesis/topic sentences are required. Each paragraph maintains balanced length. While developing the essay, there should not be abundant ideas or repetitions.

Also, think about if

1)      … the essay offends the readers feeing with some reasons

2)      … there is a way to find and gather information from various resource. If do, where/what can be?

3)      … you use sub heading

4)      … there are potential strengths and weakness in the essay

5)      … there is any spelling mistakes or errors

 

7.      Write the final draft of the essay.

The solution in 21^st century is “Culture”

-“The best things about Korea can also be the best things for the world”-

What will be the strongest weapon for every country in the future? The answer is “Culture”. There is no doubt that 21^st century is the era of competing culture. Lots of scholars and futurologists assert that depending on how much a country has cultural capacity the country’s destiny will be changed. Therefore, many countries are trying to strengthen their cultural policies as national points of view in order to have better positions than the other countries. Nowadays, more and more the importance of culture rises. At this point of time, to survive in this competition with the other countries, and to keep up with time, deep down, specific plans enhancing for Korea are demanded. Also, the government has pushed ahead with the mission of branding Korea in the belief that “The best things about Korea can also be the best things for the world,” meaning the best things here can appeal to the international market and effectively boost Korean national brand. It is time to formulate and carry out innovative national cultural policies for Korea; the policies should be composed of three parts such as systematize cultural archetypes, construct cultural spaces like a theme park, and create performances.

 

First of all, systematizing cultural archetypes is not only the most underlying but also the most significant task. Above all, systematizing cultural archetypes would contribute to set up our identities because we have forgotten or lost our egos. People often point out that more and more people living in modern society follow western style regardless ours and live while they don’t know who they are. Even though we learn history and culture in school, our knowledge of ourselves is not enough or can be wrong. If we continuously live without concerning our culture, we might lose our identities in the future. Therefore, the process for the efficient conduct of systematizing cultural archetypes will let us take time to reconsider and know well about ourselves. Moreover, through this progress, we will have unique characteristics to compete and survive in globalized modern society. People are too busy to take a look at ourselves because they much more care about western culture and even they think it is superior to our culture. Also, people often hesitate to answer for asked questions from foreigners who would like to know about Korea. However, the culture which can represent us is not western culture, but our culture. Thus, systematizing cultural archetypes is very important in order to get attention from foreign countries and keep up with them show and our nation. The result of this task can be immense cultural property as communication resources. If Korea has a variety of cultural contents by systematizing cultural archetypes, people can use and develop them diverse ways of communication based on cultural heritage. For example, ‘Dae Jang Geum’, a successful example of Korean drama in global market, was made of creative themes based on cultural archetypes and have made hundreds billons. This mainly describes the life of a waiting woman, Jang Geum, working kitchen to cook food provided for King. This is a model example improved “The best things about Korea can also be the best things for the world.” Systematizing cultural archetypes is not only a way to strengthen our national power but practical use is also important like a theme park.

 

Second, creating cultural spaces can contribute to improve the quality of the nation’ lives. People can enjoy their spare time. According to report on TV, one reason that drinking culture develop is the sound cultural places are insufficient. Even though people working hard without free time indeed need to take a rest, they can’t find where they can enjoy. In addition, teenagers can yield to temptation of undesirable entertainment. Consequently, creating cultural spaces is required because it will provide better conditions of recreation for the people. Cultural spaces can be used as educational facilities. Nowadays, a great variety of teaching methods are made. Both children and parents want to learn new knowledge and get and information by new and interesting education systems. If we build up new cultural places such as amusement parks and theme parks, the places would be reborn as educational space. Through cultural spaces, we can use it as tourism resources. A number of people visiting other countries love to visit theme parks. According to a statistic result, the average annually, Disneyland in Los Angeles attracts about 10,000,000 foreign tourists and Disneyworld in Florida attracts more than 24,000,000 foreign tourists. If we create unique as well as universal theme parks taken from cultural heritage, it would attract many tourists. Therefore, the cultural places will offer better condition of recreation to foreigners as well as the nation. At the same time, we should think about product performances as another way of practical use.

 

Third, product performances can take several advantages in diverse directions. It makes people enjoy their free time and improve their lives. As compared the past with the present, more and more people are interest in performances. However, people are still unfamiliar with enjoy performances and the public has only a superficial understanding of the performances. If diverse performances will be created by carrying out a policy, the activities would be people’s huge pleasure and their cultural level could be raised, and the people will be satisfied with their lives. The actors/actresses performing can be useful cultural mission. While foreigners are attending in live performances having Korean traditional concepts, they are awakened to our national image new significance and know about us at least. In addition, it will contribute to renew national image. Creating performances can make economic value. If it is utilized tourism resource and products, it could make more profit than expert cars, because both potentialities and effects of culture are huge as much as we cannot imagine. For example, Jump, the initial martial art performance annually make about 20,000,000~30,000,000 dollars since they make inroads into the world market in 2007. Thus, performances would chiefly help make inducement of tourists and could affect economic growth.

 

To conclude, Korean government concentrate its efforts on reinforcement including three parts: systematize cultural archetypes, build cultural spaces like theme parks, and create performances based on Korean cultural heritage so that we live better and survive in global society.