Process: Kang MC (5 / 5)

 

Parts of the writing process	State
Form	Narrative
Goals of the writing	There are many students who don’t know their own goals; such as they don’t know what they like the most or when they are happy. Just they live by daily lives by studying without any goals. I feel sorry for them. So I want them to realize the reality and to have their own goals at least.
The audience/reader of the writing	5th or 6th grade students or premature elementary school students
The main ideas of the writing	Everybody has to establish its own goal and just do it. -March off the map-
Organizing ideas	Introduction- Introduction to one book about Han Bee-ya. Body     - Study hard.     - Experience as much as possible     - Read many books. Conclusion – Emphasize of how important to find and keep the goal is.

 

<First draft>

Establish your goal and just do it.

-March off the map-

 

 One of the national celebrities, Han bee-ya, is well known as a woman explorer as well as the World vision manager. One of her essays, “March off the map” introduces one doctor working for the poor, even if his talent or skill is so great. She asked him, “ Why did you choose this one, rather you could make a lot of money and live comfortably.” He said, “ This make myself excited and happy. Besides to work here is worth, I guess.” At this moment, are you happy with your life? Here in Korea, many students just study without any reasons or any goals like robots. As a teacher, I feel sorry for them. So I’m going to give some strategies about how you can establish your goals and do it.

First, once you’re students, you should study hard. You need not to follow the instruction, but to play a leading role in studying. For example, when you are given to one project, think why you should do this first and then how you can collect some data or information. Whenever you have some problems with this, you go and ask some teachers, parents or some other helping people. They always welcome you.

Second, I want you to experience as much as possible. Just because you’re young, you think you have limitation. But look at other side. There are many needed people around us; nursing home, orphanage, etc. Even at school those who are younger than you need somebody’s help such as solving out the math question or cleaning the classroom and so forth. Or you could visit your parents’ workplaces to watch how hard they are doing.

Third, comparing to middle school students or high school students, you have more free time. Thus I want you to read as many books as possible. In this area, there are 3 local libraries and my school has one too. When I was young, at that time to buy the books was expensive and to borrow them was not common. But the society has changed and it’s easy to rent them. There are many benefits to read, but I want to mention it. You could meet different people through the books and this will make you grow internally.

In conclusion, there are many wandering people, just because they don’t have any goals for their lives. Time flies so quickly, I hope you will not regret what you will have done or give up your lives. These 3 strategies will help you establish your goals and do it. But this is one more thing to keep that in your mind: Whatever you do, be a main agent.

 

<Comment>

As assignment, I wrote about essay, “Establish Your Goal and Just Do It” for elementary school students. As Professor Lee suggested, I wrote a five-paragraph-essay based on my planning. While I was doing, I did check the sequence of the theme, spelling, etc. After doing this, I actually asked one of my friends to read it and give me some feedback. When she read this, she got the gist of my essay. However she found some mistakes, like spelling, punctuation, and the natural meaning into English. I felt ashamed at first, later I realized how important this type of work is in order to improve my writing in English. First of all, English is not my mother tongue, that’s why I need to edit continuously.

 

<Second draft>

Establish your goal and just do it.

-March off the map-

 

 One of our national celebrities, Han Bee-ya, is well known as a woman explorer, as well as the World Vision manager. One of her essays, “March Off The Map” introduces one doctor working for the poor. Even though his talent or skill is great, she asked him, “Why did you choose this type of work when you could make a lot of money and live comfortably.” He said, “This type of work makes me excited and happy. Besides to work here is worth, I guess.” Here in Korea, many students just study without any reasons or any goals, like robots. At this moment, are you happy with your life? I’m going to give some strategies about how you can establish your goals and do it.

First, once you’re students, you should study hard. You need not to follow the instruction, but to play a leading role in studying. For example, when you are given a project, think why you should do this first and then how you can collect some data or information. Whenever you have some problems with this, you can go and ask some teachers, parents or other helping people. They will always welcome you.

Second, I want you to experience as much as possible. Just because you’re young, you think you have limitations. However, you can look at your situation in a different way. There are many needy people around us in nursing homes, orphanages, etc. Even at school those who are younger than you need somebody’s help such as solving a math question or cleaning a classroom. Also you could visit your parents’ workplaces to watch how hard they are working.

Third, compared to middle school students or high school students, you have more free time. Thus, I want you to read as many books as possible. In this area, there are three local libraries and my school has one too. When I was young, at that time to buy books was expensive and to borrow them was not common. Society has changed and it’s easy to rent books. There are many benefits in reading. One benefit is that you could discover different characters through books and this will make you grow internally.

In conclusion, there are many unfocused people, just because they don’t have any goals for their lives. Time flies so quickly, I hope you will not waste your lives. These three strategies will help you establish your goals and do it. One more thing to keep in your mind: whatever you do, be a main agent.